Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
