i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I could make wine with my vomit
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
