Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
