I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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