if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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