Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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