That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
