I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
