the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
