I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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