How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
