I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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