Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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