well I can't set my house on fire every night
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
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