dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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