I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
