***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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