please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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