You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
