It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
