I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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