no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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