I cut my penus on the lid.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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