She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
