just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
