And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We left the knife in your bed.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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