i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
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Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
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They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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