a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
