absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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