He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
