I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
