Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
