Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I could fuck to npr.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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