i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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