We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
