her vagine was all disorganized.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out