No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest