I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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