Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
