your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
