i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
