I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize