I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
