I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
