My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
