im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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