Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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