i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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