I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
