She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
