We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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