a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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