need another drink. this is the easiest way
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Will exercising make me less horny?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
