So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
