do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm always down for nudity.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
