I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
