Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...