my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work