he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE