party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
