you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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