My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
