Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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