i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
