I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
