Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Is it penis luge time yet?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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