I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
