I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
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also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
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I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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